How To Get Your Men’s Group Up and Running

 men's groupFollowing up on my last post about the purpose and value of a men’s group, in this post I’m covering a few key steps when starting a men’s group.

Step 1. Get clear on why you want to be a part of a men’s group. What is your intention? What are you hoping to get out of it? How do you see a group of guys serving and supporting you?

Step 2. Find other men who want to be in a group that both challenges and supports for mutual gain and mutual service.

Men ask me all the time where to find guys like themselves. Men also confess that they want more depth with their male friends. They report that their male buddies don’t get real enough, don’t call bullshit on them, or they just keep everything on the surface.

So, in an effort to help you find these like-minded men I’m going way out on a limb and make some big generalizations and risk getting some potentially negative feedback about it from you.

Guys who are open to a men’s group are generally the same guys who are open to personal growth, self-help and personal development stuff.

Where do I find these men? At locations where these events, services and programs occur. Retreat centers, yoga studios, workshops, new age bookstores, natural food stores, etc.

Another great place to meet like-minded men in your area is to attend a workshop that has to do with wellness, healing, mens work, etc.

Ultimately, you have to ask yourself, “What kind of guys do I want in my men’s group?”

Next, determine the demographics:

  • 6-12 men is a good size. I prefer larger. That way if 1-3 guys are absent, there is still a good number of men present and ready to go for it.
  • Age Range? My group has men between 30-60. It’s a well rounded group with a huge set of life experiences. Everyone is a teacher and everyone is a student and each man has that attitude.
  • Sexual orientation? Ethnic and cultural background?
  • Religious affiliation? For example, if you are a Christian guy, do you want an all Christian men’s group? Might it better serve you to find a Muslim, a Buddhist, a Mormon and a Jewish guy to be in your group? Again, how are you wanting to be pushed? How do you want to grow?

Step 3. Put up a flyer in locations where the kind of men you want in your ground hang around. Churches, gyms, meditation centers, yoga centers, and health food stores can be good places to start.

Step 4. Set a first meeting time and location. One of the guy’s houses is appropriate. A contained place somewhere with privacy. Borrow a friend’s studio, loft, big office, or church room.

Step 5. Have your first meeting. Sit in a circle facing each other.

Step 6. Determine your structure. Use this first group to get on the same page. Ask yourself these questions:

  • What is your group purpose?
  • What is the vision or direction of your group?
  • What is the commitment to attend? Timeliness?
  • How often do we meet? Where? When? For how long?
  • Leadership: Do we pick a new leader every time? What about a time keeper?

Step 7. Consider creating a curriculum to follow or find another men’s group and ask them how they run their group. Feel free to email me and stay tuned for a men’s group curriculum ebook coming soon on this website.

The best way to get the most out of a group is to stay in the present, here and now of each man’s experience. When guys just report out about how their life is going, it does not quite pack the punch as a man sharing about himself in the moment as he looks around the room.

Step 8. Always come back to your purpose. What are hoping to get out of this group? Review the purpose and value of a men’s group post to get some ideas about what to focus on.

Step 9. Consider hiring a skilled facilitator to come in for a few groups and run the group. This is hugely beneficial and can give you a taste of what is possible if you stay on target with good facilitation. It also can help f you get stuck or lack leadership.

What if I live in a small town and no other guys are around? Email me and if I get enough men interested, I will start an online men’s group for you guys. You can also comment below and invite other men to email you.

Buy this Product How To Start and Lead A Men’s Group

An online group can still be effective, but has obvious challenges. However, through edufire.com, there are possibilities. Either way, it is possible to have more quality, bad ass men in your life who will love you enough to call bullshit on you and support you toward your highest Self!

What other thoughts do you have? What has worked? Not worked?

A world with more men’s groups is a better world!

Good luck and feel free to comment here.

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  • Wolfneyetna
    Jayson, I just got hip to your site through your interviews with Tripp Lanier, on the New Man Podcast. What a great resource for men you have here! Thanks for the great information on this site.

    A great resource for men who want to start a men's group - a book entitled "A Circle of Men". Written by Bill Kauth, one of the founders of The ManKind Project. You can buy it at Amazon.

    This is a great book that provides both format and content for a men's group. Bill gives great detail on a number of processes that men can use to develop trust, respect and intimacy - three characteristics of a men's group that I think are key to long-term success.

    I've sat in one men's group for the last six years; and two others for a couple years before that. A couple of important things from my perspective....
    You need a format for the meeting - some ritual at the front end to call men to presence; and at the back end to release the energy of the circle. It's nice to have some definition for what happens in between as well.
    No one man should be considered a "leader". Having a different man lead every week calls men to step outside their comfort zone, and access the leader within.

    What's really interesting about a mens group... when men speak from their hearts, they're speaking from a place of vulnerability. Our society tends to equate vulnerability with weakness. But what I've found is that when a man is vulnerable with me.... when he shows me what's eating him up, and how painful that is for him - my heart opens to that man, and I trust him like a brother. I don't see weakness... I see true masculine power in authenticity and connection to one's feelings.

    I can honestly say that I've had more growth as a result of sitting in a men's group for 8 years, than from any of the other (considerable) personal growth work I've done.
  • So I only get part of the content. The story ends for me after "Men also confess that"

    I'd like to read this, please!
  • Jeff, should be good now. thanks for the heads up!

    Jayson
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