Men's Coaching, Men's Work and Personal Development Tools & Resources for Smart, Evolving Men

Here is commitment 3 of the 10 commitments to Manhood.

Commitment 3. – Authority

Me first! I commit to being true to myself, first and foremost. I commit to trusting my own experience above all else and getting to know my inner authority. No one holds the authority on me except me.

The moment you abandon your truth and yourself, is the moment you take a shit on yourself as a man.

True intelligence is trust in oneself.

I grew up in Utah so I have always been skeptical of dogma. On a regular basis I had Mormons trying to convert me to their faith. I was looked down upon, judged and patronized constantly. When someone else claims to have the truth where they are right and I am wrong, I contract.

Systems such as corporations and religions are very sophisticated about preying upon individuals who lack trust in themselves. These big systems know that people are looking for answers and will do anything to be reassured.

The system will then make false promises that are impossible to deliver upon (such as what happens when you die and the place you wlll go) in order to control people from finding the solutions themselves.

It is not surprising to me then, how many men will place their full trust in another person, a priest, a church, dogma, a corporation a family member or whatever. The price tag? Confusion. Not knowing oneself. Pain. Betrayal.

God forbid we have a bunch of intelligent, free thinking, free acting people running around.

So, at 30 when I met a Buddhist teacher who said trust no one other than your own inner authority it was a breath of fresh air. But even Buddhism has blind faith, blind followers who just surrender their own wisdom to someone who holds more authority, seniority, or leadership over them.

It is human nature to look outside ourselves for the answers to life’s dilemmas. And, sometimes it is completely appropriate to seek council at various stages on the path. But to make this a habit as a way to avoid your own inner knowing is to cut yourself off from your life force and the tremendous wisdom that lies within you.

A lot of men involved in men’s work will make statements like, “We’ll David Deida said….” My question to them is “Since when did David Deida become the authority on you?”

When we always surrender our trust to some other man who supposedly has more experience on us, we abandon our integrity and the truth of who we are.

A real mentor will help you cultivate your own knowing. A real teacher will help you find your own answers to life’s questions.

Young men today are tired of older men giving advice. It’s a bankrupt model and does little to empower a young man to be who he is supposed to be. Giving advice is to rob someone of trusting their own experience.

This is not to say men should not seek council or get feedback. Quite the contrary. Get feedback and then test it against your own experience.  On a regular basis, I open myself to feedback from trusted sources–then, I test it against my own experience.

Why are we so afraid to trust ourselves? When did trusting yourself get thrown out the window?

A revolutionary man trusts himself above all else. If he doesn’t know how, he learns how. Trust in others is fine, but we have to trust ourselves first. Blind faith with no trust in oneself is a recipe for disaster.

But how do I develop my inner authority?

1. Trust your own experience. I learn through experience only. When we trust our own experience we develop our own inner knowing and intuition—a critical strength to have as a man today. If we can give young men one lesson it is to trust their experience.

2. Learn from your teachers and then burn them. Milk a model until you are done with it and bury it. It is the only way you will develop your inner authority as a man.

3. Spend a lot of time alone, in solitude, getting to know yourself.

** Important note for teenage boys. You still need to follow some external authority until you reach the right age of maturity. I know, a painful aspect of life. And remember to follow the wisdom of the external authority whom you trust and respect.

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