Men's Coaching, Men's Work and Personal Development Tools & Resources for Smart, Evolving Men

Photo by Josh Levin

This is going to seem like a no brainer, but it’s amazing to me how many guys out there have no idea what they want. What about you?

If someone asks you “What do you really want?” What is your response?

In the first session I always ask the men I coach “What do you want?”  Typically they think they know. After they describe it to me, I reflect back this fuzzy, vague picture back to them. They are often unclear whether it’s their short term vision or long term vision.

I ask, “Is that really your ideal?” Wow, is that all you want, seriously?

I have mentioned this in a few prior posts about finding your purpose and a recent post about lasting change.

So here is a simple technique to help you get very, very clear (I go into more detail in coaching someone).

The basic flow is this…

Step 1. Identify where you are. Hard to know what is next when you don’t even know who you are or where you are. Get your “self-knowledge” on.

Step 2. Get clear. The key here is to get very, very clear. The universe likes clarity. The more crystal clear you are, the more you are in touch with what you want and the more likely it is to happen.

I like to suggest a short term want list and a long term want list. In one year, I want…

In 15 years, I want…

I also suggest to do this process from a place that would have you very fulfilled and at peace internally. Don’t list “stuff” that makes your ego happy.

Step 3. Feel it and envision it. Think about waking up tomorrow morning and everything you wanted suddenly appeared. Everything. What would your day look like? What would you be doing? Where would you be working? Who else is in the picture? Wife? Kids? Close friends? A team? Or is it just you in solitude? Are you self-employed? Do you work in a community? Get as detailed as possible. Close your eyes, envision it, and feel it. Imagine having it. What does that feel like in your body? What emotional quality is there?

Step 4. Get it out. I suggest making a list of everything you want in great detail. Paint it, draw it, sing it, and even use a vision board.

Step 5. Share it. The more you “put it out there” the more likely it is to happen. Share it with close friends, your partner, or your men’s group. Get some honest feedback.

Step 6. Look at what is in the way. Not the potential road blocks that your mind creates about how impossible it will be, but the more subtle ways you will likely sabotage getting it. See diagram below…

Step 7. Get help. I don’t care who you are, you will not be able to do this part alone so get some accountability and support. Blocks and Blind spots can only be uncovered through feedback from a therapist, a coach, a shaman, a psychic, or a men’s group.

Step 8. Choose. Once you are clear and once you see the map in front of you, make a decision to go for it or not. Choice = power. Otherwise, you end up like most unhappy people who let life sort of happen to them. Passive = No power.

if you do decide to go for it, make a commitment to do “whatever it takes at whatever the cost” to get there!

Make a commitment to not be a bystander to your own life. Seriously.

Rock it. It’s your life and you have only one (as far as you can tell, right?).

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